2014
01.29

 Dear Car Guy,

It’s a world of high speeds, wall to wall traffic, and of course, trying to hit every light green, no matter how long your commute is.

I, amongst many others, find that my car is my safe zone. Anything that happens in it is purely by my choice. Everything, from the radio, to the food crumbs from my 2 yr old nephew, and the random dog hair with sand (from that trip to the beach that I will have to vacuum out before my OCD kills me), is my choice. Touch my radio and hear my wrath. Eat food without asking first and, believe me, you will experience an awkward “friend break” for at least a week. Please bro, I get that we were hiking, but those boots belong in the back.

When it comes to my car, I take care of her, she takes care of me. Simple as that.

What concerns me though is that there are people, at least on my commute, that take this idea of “safe zone” in their car a bit too seriously. These are just a few of the types I have come across recently. Please, feel free to add to the list, because I am sure there is a plethora of inappropriate commuters out there…

The double-fisted-I-have-to-eat-now-or-I-might-die-commuter:

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I understand, we’re all in a bit of hurry in this fast paced world, but when your ability to munch on a $3 hamburger interferes with your ability to stay in your own (expletive) lane, that’s when I start to yearn for the ability to insert that sandwich into your stomach by way of an elegant throat punch. Yes, we get hungry. Yes, food is great for the body. Please realize that just because you dropped some of the ketchup out of the bottom of said burger, it doesn’t give you the right to test the defensive maneuvering and steering control of the vehicles around you. Enjoy your lunch, but remember to do so safely.

Moving on….

WOMEN are beautiful creatures:

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In many cases beauty is enhanced by make-up. So be it. It’s the nature of society, standards, and attraction in the world we live in today. Once again I am reminded that most women believe themselves to be wonderful multi-taskers, but to be honest I have seen more close calls from this particular type of commuter than any other. I’m personally not a morning person so I get that throwing on make-up in the car seems like a great use of time on your commute. I just disagree with the female (or male for that matter) ability to multitask two very detail oriented tasks, or more. Driving isn’t just about you, it’s about paying attention to every single other person, place, or thing on the road. If you don’t see it because your mascara slipped, or your eyeliner is not perfectly straight, you could end up with more than just a temporary face fix.  So keep that in mind next time pretty lady.

 

OH Commuters, and your private safe zone of your car! Because windows aren’t see through, and no one knows what you’re up to in there… Here are a few of my other favorite activities that are a little more safe, but just blatantly disturbing.

The Nose Picker:

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Many view this as a safe and recreational activity; it’s not. Just wait until that moment when you rear end the beige camry during a particularly good pick, and your finger decides to give you a lobotomy. Too graphic?

 

The American Idol Singer:

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My personal favorite is the American Idol driver. Nowhere have they ever been more comfortable singing their hearts out. It doesn’t matter if the window is down, or they are way of key, they belt it out and own it. Normally this is fine. It’s entertaining and harmless, but just be warned, when the driver next to you starts belting Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson and shuts their eyes to hit the chorus…. You just might need to close your eyes and pray you don’t BreakaNeck as she sideswipes you at 60mph.

And last but not least…is this type…. I have very little to say about this type of commuter… so I’ll just let this picture speak for itself.

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Happy COMMUTING CAR GUY!!

-Kim

3 comments so far

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  1. This blog has made my day, it explains and relieves all my rant and rave urges seeing that it has already been for me.

    Thank you

  2. Another good one Kim!

  3. Bwahahahaha love it!!